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Miss Owner  Stuff(s) Welcome! Everything I wrote here is an expression of what my heart feels. Do forgive me if I ever offended anyone in any kind of way. Good day! :) Footprints here!
| reality is kicking in and i need a major check out! sighh. (bismillahirrahmanirrahim) assalamualaikum~ hee~ lame tak update! and sory about the previous entry, deleted under certain circumstances. anyway, here's the thing. ak tengah struggle untk decide ape yg ak nak bwt in future. dilema? yup! thats the right word to describe ape yg ak tgh hadapi skang kot. *and a friendly reminder, this post is very long, take a deep breath before reading and those who aren't interested, kindly click the exit button, thank you :)* dpd ak tadika lagi, ak da didedahkan ngan profession sbg seorang dkter, since both parents ak keje sbg dkter. strictly saying, bukan nak bajet dengan fact kerjaye parents ak sbg seorang dkter. klu nak tanye ak bangge ke x atas achievement dyeorang, tpu la klu ak ckap ckit pn tak bangge. sangat tipu. sbb nak jd seorang dkter, nak capai ape yg dyeorang capai, it's a very great deal. and bg seseorang yg tak ready physically, mentally *and perhaps, emotionally too?* susah nak survive. agree? do correct me if i'm wrong. for that, ak respect dyeorang utk ape yg dyeorang capai. -of course, utk dkter2 laen jgak kt luar sne. erm, mcam yg ak ckap sbelum niy, dr kcik ag ak da didedahkan dlm bidang kdokteran. yes, ak minat. ak nak sangat jd dkter- pakar kanak2. tu ape yg ak nak sangat2. knp ak plih nk jd pakar kanak2? maybe sesetengah da taw ape jwpn ak, but bg yg blom taw, sbb kanak2 tu da mcam one of my passion. ase nak tolong sume kanak2 *wlaupn bnde tu agak impossible* maybe minat ak thdap kanak2 niy jgak yg drong ak utk pcaye yg ak bley buat, ak bley jd dkter kanak2. bkn tu je, bile ak tengok care umi ak layan patient dye, tak kire umo, care dye ckap, soothing, calm, lembut. well, i admire that a lot. and i saw the look on her patients faces. it tingled something inside me. excitement, satisfaction of being able to please all of the sick people. mcam2 lg. hurmm, yup, cite2 still cite2. something yg bkn bley bwt maen maen, especially bile umo da 19thn mcam niy. idup mesti ade hale tuju kn? ak still hrap ak dpt jd dkter knak knak. tp ak tak rase ak layak. sbb first, i can't handle the pressure. seriously. ak tak ready dr segi emosi. tak caye? tanye je la kwan kwan yg knal ak, ak mmg cepat tsentuh. ak cpat attached dengan orang. and thats not very good kot in medical field. mentality? a big fat no jgak! i'm giving up before i even tried, i don't have it in me *see, i'm doing it again* sighhh~ thats it. ak tak confident ngan dri ak, wlaupn rmai yg pcaye ak bley. ayah pernah ckap, "dulu kak farah lasak, kuat, tabah. what happen to her now?" oke, bile dengar ayah ckap camni, siyes jauh disudut aty, ak tkedu, tkesima, and sgale jnis ter lg la. but seboleh bolehnye ak try smbunyikan dengan sengih smpai ke telinge and gelak smpai tekak kering -.- ak makin lemah, i mean- ntahla. ak tak taw ape da jd sepanjang proses ak meningkat dewase niy. maybe jgak sbb da bgelut dengan mcam mcam jenis prasaan smpai kekuatan yg selame niy ak pegang hilang cmtu je. oke, clearly sume tu still takley dijadikan alasan untuk ak give up kn? Ya Allah, ak tak taw. and skang, ak pressure utk tentukan ape yg tbaek utk ak. mase depan ak. mase dpan kott, mne bley bwt maen maen! :( haishh, growing up is hard >.<'' so, yg tinggal dalam option skang, further dalam bidang perguruan or akaun. tu je. tp tak taw nak plih yg mne satu. due2 oke, due2 ade pro and contra. tipu la ade pro je contra takde. i have to do a major check out! major thinking! and major everything! hurmm. mne2 pn oke kn? as long as halal. urghh~ after dekat sejam membongkok depan lappy, ak ckap, "takpela umi, amek jela teaching pn" huhu, jlas kot nada kecewe bile ak ckap cmtu, wlaupn da cube smbunyikan. ak keliru. ak ttup lappy and msuk blik, naek atas katil tarik comforter, amek fon and call eqie. ak nanges ngan dye. ak ase sangat serabot kot. tak taw la. ak rsaw and takot dengan mse depan ak. how it'll turn up and everything. gosh, slaen dye, ak cume bley luah kt blog je. ak taw soal niy sangat remeh kot klu cite kt orang laen. other people may have major problems for them to worry about, tak payah nak tambah dengan msalah ak pn takpe kot. huu~ mase ak dk t'esak2 tu, eqie ckap ngn ak, "bukan senang nak naek atas, and bukan susah jgak untuk jatuh. susah2 dulu, senang2 kmudian. jd sayang, pcaye dengan dri and jgn mudah give up. sy yakin dengan awak. sy pcaye klu awak btol2 nakkn something, awak akn cube smpai awak dapat. and sume orang ade ase takot bile bdepan ngan soal mase depan. jangan rsaw, sy ade utk awak" tu jela antare nsehat dye yg ak sempat ingat sbb ak sebok nanges utk btol2 fokus ape yg dye ckap. thank you soo much awak. and sorry jgak sbb lupe ckit2 ape yg awak ckap semalam. yup, sy taw sy truk -.-' anyway, after ckap ngn dye, i feel a lot better. so now, the only thing i need to do is, decide what is best for my future.  |
