Welcome! Everything I wrote here is an expression of what my heart feels. Do forgive me if I ever offended anyone in any kind of way. Good day! :)
i'll be here
assalamualaikum. :) today, as painful as it is, i'm still smiling. and i'm glad, at least the people here, where i'm studying didn't notice the changes in me. at least they know i'm happy. laughing and joking around like nothing happened. at least college is one of the place where i can escape from feeling so low- even if its just for awhile.
"your eyes, they look sad", i wish someone had notice that in me. i guess, when dealing face to face with people, i can really hide my pain. keeping it all piling up inside is not got for myself, i know. its just...., to explain something that really is hurting you, it really is a tough thing to do-at least it is for me. i'd rather keep it to myself, even though there is a part of me wanting to share it with someone. i know one thing, i have Allah to cry to. i have Allah to let my stories out. but it would be just nice to have someone to talk to.
this is the second experience for me, to fall asleep crying. taking a walk just to release the pressure inside, ending up realizing that my feet is blistered. and end up burning my hand while cooking. how pathetic it is right. huhu.
he messaged me a few hours back. he's asking to borrow my mp3. but that mp3 have been missing since i gave it to my sister last year. that mp3 is one of the little things that made us closer those days. we share the same taste of music, we like to call each other funny names, we share our knowledge- he taught me add maths and i taught him bio. we're best friends. until everything changes when we finished school. we get serious. :')
whatever it is, no matter how sad the condition is for us right now, i'm still hoping that you're the one who asks permission from my father, to take me away as your wife. a relationship full of barakah is marriage. that's it right? we're 20 now, just a few more years to go. please have faith in us, and Allah, insyaallah we'll be someday. but for the time being, let's just stay like this. i might be overreacting, but it is Allah's blessing that i seek. not human. until that day, please take a good care of yourself, please do well in your studies and then come back for me. i'll be here waiting. :')